Thursday 13 v. 26

Thirteen Fun Stories from my Vegas Trip(Photos in post below)

1. We went dancing at the Tao nightclub, where we were surrounded by Asians wearing slutty clothes. We were WAY overdressed. Then, the Asian version of Mini-Me (seriously, I'm 5'2'' and he maybe came up to my shoulders) tried to grind all up in our business. Um. Bye-Bye. Why do men do that? I don't know you. Don't grind up on me. Even if I DO know you.
2. We played lots of penny slots. Mostly Star Wars penny slots. Irish and I hit the Death Star Bonus at exactly the same time - THREE TIMES! Spooky :)
3. We also played single-deck blackjack on Fremont Street. Irish, me, and the dealer all hit blackjack on the SAME HAND. Spooky indeed. We managed to last a couple of hours on $50 ($5 a hand)
4. We ate dinner on Friday night at a new restaurant called Stack. David Spade was there. A) He is not an attractive man. B) There is no B. (Seriously, he dates Heather Locklear? WTF?)
5. Our other bad celebrity sighting was Carrot Top, who we walked behind in the Luxor (where he has a show). Also with a pretty girl. Huh? Carrot Top = not attractive.
6. We had dinner Saturday night at the House of Blues. Where we inadvertently became part of a wedding (our table was right behind the "preacher"). In the restaurant at the HOB. ????? It was a TESLA wedding. You see, the bride (wearing a lovely pink knit shawl) and groom (wearing a sporty t-shirt) met on the Tesla chat room, then they met face-to-face at a Tesla concert, and then got married at the HOB where Tesla was playing. The guests were a sight to see, let me just say, all wearing Tesla duds. The "preacher" had a belt buckle bigger than my head. The menu was on HOB stationary. Classy stuff. To each his own. Oh, and they took a picture of the wedding rings on their hands over a bowl of nachos.
7. Our flight out was terrible! A screaming toddler for 5 hours and monster turbulance (heat from the desert floor). You'd think after 5 hours the kid would wear out. Nope. I wanted to smack the parents. CHILDREN's TYLENOL people. Knocks 'em right out. Then the pilot came on the intercom and said we didn't need the roller coaster at NY NY, we had bumpy flying ahead. NO KIDDING!
8. I had gay-dar training while in Vegas. Good place to start. See, I have no gay-dar. Irish had to give me instructions. I passed the Vegas test, but the real-life test is yet to come.
9. The "List" police at Tao nightclub didn't have us on the list. I told him that the hotel had put us on the list since we were staying there. Then I said "I can give you my room key", to which he replied laughingly "that's the easiest score I've had all night." **Blushes** That's not what I meant, but he was DEFINITELY room-key material.
10. Irish gets VERY upset about slutty people when she has had a whole martini and part of mine. Do NOT dress slutty around her folks. ;)
11. We sat in the "chair pool" at the Venetian listening to this group of 21-year-olds whining. This one girl had met a guy in Vegas and was asking her friends and the whole pool why he hadn't texted her in a whole day and should she text him because she wanted to go out with him the next night. I'm like. Dude. You're 21. You're a hot chick. You met him in Vegas, like that'll last. Try being 30-something and not a hot 21-year-old. Quit your whining. BRING ME ANOTHER DRINK! (And P.S. I don't get the texting thing. I hate texting. Get your lazy butt on the phone.)
12. It is impossible to sneak up on the guards at Area 51. They can see your trail of dust for miles. Who gets the job of sitting in the truck on the hill and watching morons drive out to take a photo of a sign? Whose wife do you have to sleep with to get that gig?
13. The cows around area 51 like to come onto the road (it's an open range) to poop. There were cow piles everywhere on the road. Irish was in charge of pointing out each and every one of them so I didn't drive our piece of crap rental car through them. In case you missed South Park, the aliens think that cows are the only intelligent life on earth. Moo!

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