Tuesday, April 10, 2007


That McStiffy comment last night on Dancing With the Stars cracked me up. I think I'll start using that in everyday jargon.

So I'm not mad at the world today, you'll be happy to know. I'm still sore as all get out, and have big circle bruises on my back, but I manged to get some zzzzs so the world looks a little less bleak.

Back to the dating. I forgot to mention that these dates were a result of online dating. I know, I know. I HATE online dating, but I'm in a new town, and I figured it wouldn't hurt. Here's what I hate about it. Men that refer to women as "ladies" in their profile (there's a proper time to use the word, but always saying "I want a lady to . . ." or "hey ladies".) I hate people that send winks - what's up with that? Write a frickin' email. I hate when guys start talking about sexual things before I even meet them. ("I could turn you on by . . .") Dude, you don't even KNOW me. I don't like the fact that these guys will email you into perpetuity. Pick up the phone, or schedule a date.

But, as I mentioned, I had a good date and a not-so-good date this past weekend. I had to send an email to the not-so-good one, because he asked me out again, but he bored me to death the first time. But I really wanted the good date to stay interested. I have patience issues, and am not a big fan of all these rules about waiting a certain number of days to call, etc. Well, he send me an instant message yesterday - I didn't have to make that first move after the date - so I'm encouraged. That's a good thing, right? (Humor me here.) But now, is the ball in my court? Oh I just DON'T KNOW. My readers, what do you think? Should I straight out ask him to dinner? Sit back and see if he contacts me again? (But I don't want him to think I'm not interested) I'm thinking about telling him that I'd really like to see him again before he leaves for work (He tells me he'll be gone all next week.) and then let him "ask" for the date. Is that too forward. Argh!

I got this book from a friend of mine about female commitment-phobia. I think I have it. I date unavailable people, I set high standards. Who knew?


Jules said...

Carmen - I don't think you're a commitment-phobe. Sounds a little more like co-dependancy. You know what you want but for some reason you can't just say it. You have to try to manipulate the other person into doing what you want so that it feels more like they read your mind.

Guess what I'm learning.... that NO ONE can read your mind. If you don't say what you want - it's most likely you won't get it. Kinda like "squeaky wheel gets the grease".

If you want another date with this guy - tell him so!! He may be feeling the same way you are. And the only way either one of you is going to know what's going on with the other one is if you go to the source and find out. Don't wring your insides up wondering what he's thinking or doing - just ask.

Build up that strong, fun, straightforward woman that you are and call him if you want. There aren't really any "rules" to this whole thing. You honestly just need to be true to who you are and let that shine through.

Just ask him before time runs out this week!!

Cheysuli said...

Carmen, my human has just spent 10 minutes ranting about your acupuncture experience. It shouldn't be that bad. She has a ton of stuff that she wants to say but feels it would be un professional to say it in the comment section of your blog (even by me!).

Suffice to say, another acupuncturist is saying that wasn't the sort of first treatment she'd give anyone in a million years. Suffice to say that sometimes there are acupuncturists out there who listen to people who are nervous about their first treatment and don't give you the "sampler special" of EVERYTHING that can possibly be done. After all, sometimes less is more.

Nausea during a treatment is a sign that a patient has been overneedled.

My human is confused as to why a person would cup the back AND use moxa. They are used for two completely different treatments--one to diminish and one to build up. Doing both in one treatment seems like it would have them working against each other.

Teena said...

Why not just say that you had fun and you look forward to doing it again sometime soon?

Sparky Duck said...

before I can give advice, I need more info, like what did the IM say? Though it is a good start. and I was a veteran online dater.

Goofy Girl said...

I would say that it sounds like he's interested and he's trying to feel you out. Maybe strike up a conversation with him on email, im phone whatever see how he responds, and if it's favorable mention how you'd like to do something soon together.

Melli said...

Y'know... I'm sO far out of the dating world that I can't really give advice on this... but I DO think it would be okay to let him know that you'd like to see him. If he's going to be gone next week, he doesn't really have time to PLAN a date though - so don't be upset if he doesn't call until he gets back. Just my opinion...

Renee said...

totally missed the McStiffy comment...I can only imagine what it might mean. ;)

Glad that you're feeling better. I hope even though it sounds like this person didn't know what they were doing on you that it did manage to help your back pain.

I think honesty is the best policy with any kind of dating. I mean you wouldn't want to end up months or years later learning the real truth about eachother.

And yeah, some of those guys just don't have a clue.

Ben O. said...

Gotta use the McStiffy line.

I would ask him, if you get a chance to do it in a comfortable way.

Who doesn't like being asked out?

Ben O.

colleen said...

Stay open to it and see what you find yourself doing. Keep us posted. I had to read down to see what you're sore. I've had acupunture lots of time but never cupping!

Anthony said...

What's funny is that I saw Dancing for exactly 2 minutes and the "McStiffy" comment was up. Mostly, I just watched Cheryl.

I don't think anything is too forward. Women probably feel that asking is tantamount to asking for "it", but to me, it just shows that you're interested - nothing more. But then, I'm an oddball.
I'd give anything for someone to show some interest once in a while.

Amy said...

unfortunately I'm the LAST person to give you advice on this...i was out of the dating world for quite a while and now that i'm back in it....i'm lost (looking around wondering what's going on!) i had a guy today flirting with me and i missed it! (my co-workers let me in on it)....oops!

Geggie said...

Argh! Dating! Gag! I wish that I could tell you to be forward and to call and ask him out, but, it's not what I would do. So, in good faith, I don't know that I can give you any advice that I wouldn't take myself. WHY? Oh WHY, would I let a man have the control? I don't know, but I would just die to ask him out. I do like the mentioning that you'd like to see him and then wait for him to ask. Too passive agressive perhaps? I don't know.

On another note, check out www.hurrydate.com. It's speed dating. I only did it once, only went on one date from there and four years later we're still together and I just moved to VA from AZ with him. It worked.

Red said...

Just because you set high standards doesn't mean you are commitment-phobic! Why would anybody want to settle for less than what is right for them?!

But do tell the guy you like that you'd like to see him again... it's a little hint to him that you're interested without being too forward. Go for it, girl!

Katherine said...

Hey, very encouraging! I think you should go ahead and say you'd like to get together before he leaves and see what happens. You have nothing to lose with that approach.