Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Dance, Dance, Dance

If any of you are losing sleep wondering what it is that I do over my precious weekends, here's your answer.

This past weekend, I took a class: The @rt of Ex0tic Dancing (trying to minimize those bad keywords). Why this particular class? Well, it was SUPPOSED to help with confidence (there was no $tripping or nekkidness or anything). We were to learn how to walk into a room, make eye contact, etc, along with learning some basic moves. Hip rolls, by the way, are a great core and lower back move. Getting up and down off the floor - great quad workout. Hair flips - they make you dizzy. And foot cramps in the middle of all this, I'd imagine, are not conducive to the "come hither" attempt.

The hardest thing was the eye contact exercise. We had to walk (with our new sexy walk) to the other side of the room to another participant, making eye contact the whole time. Difficult much? It did get easier. There was less giggling after the 3rd and 4th try.

Folks, I don't know what happened to me in my life that made me think so poorly of myself. I have trouble looking people in the eye, I certainly don't walk into a room with confidence, and I never think of myself as attractive. My parents certainly didn't make me feel this way. But it's embedded deep, people. I've tried lots of things (hypnosis, counseling (which is crap, btw), classes, etc. and nothing makes a dent.) Rather than concentrating on the good things about the class, I wanted to cry, because I didn't have anyone to go home and show off the moves to.

And what was impressed upon me the most was that here were these women who were married, they'd already snagged their guy, and they had no confidence either. And some were cute and nice and skinny - so what were they worried about?

Ladies, we need to start thinking of ourselves differently! (Now, who has the first suggestion for how?)

And for my male readers, here's the pressing question. Is this dancing thing really that much of a turn-on? I mean, I can see once in a while or something, but these women said their husbands are constantly asking for them to dance! Wow. Who knew? Should I start using this as a pickup line? "Guess what I can do?" Just curious.


Anonymous said...

I love to dance, but Im so with you on the eye contact thing. Im not very confident at all. I do not like my body and it will never be a size 8 but hey I guess I can only hope right!!

Good on you doing that class to. I wouldnt have the guts and once you snear that special someone, you can show all your moves. CHIN UP hunny, your very special.

Red said...

That sounds like a fun class!

So what if you have nobody at home to show your moves to? First of all, I'm sure Pooh Bear would appreciate a little seductiveness (not sure about the eye contact, though. I think cats find it unnerving, and end up clawing your eyes out...)

Second of all, you can always walk into a bar (a nice bar, not a dive!) and try it on a hot guy (so long as he's not Hungarian).

Confidence is a bitch. With some things you can practise, practise, practise (who knows, it might just get you to Carnegie Hall), like looking people in the eye. Otherwise, you can fake it. I know I do!

Anthony said...

I too lack self-confidence. It comes and goes (mostly goes). Insecurity is a bitch! It comes over quickly, and is much more of a negative for men, I think. We're supposed to be confident, and I guess that's why I have such trouble meeting women.

I work on eye contact, but that's difficult as well. I think it's a very good way to connect with someone, and if you can do it with a little flair, it's a definite plus.

As for dancing, I'm not much of one. If a woman asked me, first I'd be flattered, but then I'd be a nervous wreck because I don't know what I'm doing.

If it matters, I think I would have had the same reaction after coming home from the dance class. (The "All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go" Syndrome) It's also why I don't vacation alone.

Katherine said...

OK, husband has never asked me to dance but if I did I'm sure he would love it and ask every night. Hence the reason I will never start, ha ha. I have extremely love self-confidence, too, and have always been really shy. I think it's absolutely wonderful you're taking classes to feel better about yourself - good for you! Don't get discouraged, you will meet someone, and when you do you'll already have the sexy dance moves to show off, woo hoo! Oh, you asked why married women who already had a guy would have low confidence. I had low confidence before I met my husband so I guess meeting him didn't magically change that. I don't think another person can change that about you - you have to do it yourself. I constantly give myself pep talks and ask, "If I do x, y, or z what's the worst that can happen?" Makes it easier to try new things. Good luck!

Katherine said...

P.S. How can you say you lack confidence when YOU asked that lifeguard out - that was so brave!

Tug said...

I think it's awesome you're taking this class!! Dance for YOURSELF. You've GOT to like yourself before anyone else truly can...

Melli said...

ROFL! Well... MY hubby has NEVER asked me to dance ... but maybe when a few more pounds come off he will! LOL! LOL! LOL!

Carmen, I don't think the dancing is nearly as important as the self-confidence. Guys (and people) ARE more attracted to a self-confident person! If you believe in yourself they believe in you too! So I think ANYTHING you do to improve your self-confidence is a good thing! (but I think you should find a class that INCLUDES men!) LOL!

Jim McKee said...

I am maybe not a great person to talk about self-confidence, seeing as how I don't have much, but I know what to tell others.

1. Act like your sh*t doesn't stink.

2. Fake it til you can make it.

In other words, if you act a certain way, you will eventually re-program yourself to believe that you ARE that person, and in time, you WILL BE that person.

Also, Katherine hit the nail on the head with her bit about "what's the worst that could happen". (I was going to include that in my comment until I scrolled up, LOL.)

Renee said...

Some good info in the self confidence thing. For me I think the biggest self confidence booster is that I just stopped caring what others thought of me. I realized that most of the time others aren't thinking of me at all so now I just worry about the few who family. And you know, I really don't mind much if I embarass them either. Darly knows that if a really good song is playing at the grocery store that I'm gonna sing it...not as loud as I would in the car. And we all dance at home.

I think it's awesome that you took the class. It's a great idea.

The married women there needing self confidence had one of two reasons...1)hubby who's so comfortable in the marriage that he takes her for granted...the class should shake things up a bit! Or 2)hubby who is verbally abusing them and telling them they're worthless. I'm thinking that the #2 ladies wouldn't have had the courage to take the class though.

Kukka-Maria said...

First off, dancing must be the theme today!

Secondly, my agent has noticed lately that she tends to walk--everywhere--with her head down. She has to make a conscious effort to raise it up and look straight ahead. She, like you, can't figure out where this curious behavior came from. Nor when it began.

I say GYRATE! Your body reflects your history. Unless you have shame around your history, you should have pride in your body!

Also, I say don't limit the profanity! I love it when people come to my sight because they searched terms like, "SECKSY!" (I edited it just for you, Carmen)

Anonymous said...

I've thought about taking a class like that. I rented Carmen Elektra's "Strip to Fit" but I never even watched it.

As a (somewhat) cute and nice married chick (though not skinny)... I don't know why I don't have confidence. I guess it's a "holding on to the man" thing. And, "he's better lookin' than me-- what if he figures that out?" That kind of thing.

Karen said...

I took a belly dancing class a while back- it was like gypsy belly dancing, not I Dream of Jeanie kind. it was hard!! very much a core excersize. I was never really brave enough to 'show of the moves', though. I am so not a dancer. did you have a friend go with you?

I think lots of women have that problem with self confidence. I don't, usually, but sometimes in weird places. I have had a really hard time since Darin's changed companies- I feel like a real dork at events. of course, they are all very wealthy, and I am not, and that does make a difference if you dont' know people.

Janet said...

You know what you said about some of those women, "And some were cute and nice and skinny - so what were they worried about?"...that's what I feel about you :-)

jenn said...

gathering confidence is one of the best ways to gain self esteem. You would think they are the same thing, but they're really not.

Once you can look at someone in the eye and see how they are looking back at you, you feel better about yourself.

keep up the classes, it sounds like great exercise and you'll feel better all around.

Dorothy said...

My sexy dancing would most likely come off like Napoleon Dynamite at the end of the movie. My husband would say he likes my sleeves 'cuz there real big, and I'd run off in a" K, Bye" manner. Plus, I'd need moon boots. Where do I get those?

Anonymous said...

Just the other day I finally confided in my husband that I would love to learn to ballroom dance with him, and he was shocked out of the water. Maybe the men have confidence issues too.

Rose said...

Have you seen the Movie Phat Chicks? I suggest renting it. It was a funny movie but it was also about confidence. I have been married 18 years and have no confidence though my hubby tells me I'm beautiful.

You know I look at your pic and I think how can she not have self confidence and you refer to the married women as skinny chicks? Well um Hello! You are a skinny chick grrr lol.

Media is our answer to why you and have no self confidence.

slackermommy said...

Here from Wendy's. I take a striptease fitness class and I'm also lacking in self confidence. I feel sexy until I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm weird with eye contact too. I can maintain eye contact when someone is speaking to me but when I speak I have a hard time maintaining eye contact. What's up with that?