Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Huh?

I have this friend, I'll call her "C", who I've been friends with for a while. She's fun, upbeat, and into the same kind of things as me. We're both Buffy fans, both writers, and have another friend in common.

Trouble is, to me, friends means actually talking or seeing each other on occassion. She's my age, she lives in her parents house rent free, she has a new job and works constantly not because she likes it but because I think it's a power trip, and not that this matters to me, but I think it does from a cultural standpoint for what follows - she's Korean.

She went through this rebel phase where she hated her parents and their hold on her through their money (which they dangle over her quite frequently). Now, she's allowing her mother to hire Korean matchmakers for her - at her mom's expense (I'm sure her mom is eating this up after all the caucasions "C" has dated), lets her mom "screen" the candidates (isn't that the point of a matchmaker?) and now hopes to be married by next year to a nice Korean boy who she'll have nothing in common with except that her mother likes him. I've had a lot of friends marry for convenience and not love - can that be right? Her mother is also taking her to salon appointments to get the "proper" makeup and hair extensions. It's like watching "Mulan" except in a weird, modern way.

Last year, she was talking of finishing some writing projects, never wanted to marry a Korean boy, wanted to get her own place (um, yes, please), possibly start a magnet school, etc. Now, her social circle consists of her parents, with no contact really with former friends, etc. I'm really worried about her, and yes, a bit selfishly, worried about losing a friend. I don't know if I can tell her this, or if I even should.

Lighter, end note: Are there any matchmaker services that keep a steady stream of millionaire dates coming in for little southern white girls like me? Google? Anyone?

10 comments:

Bone said...

I was talking with someone about this the other day. You see something a friend is doing that alarms you, or you think a friend might be making a big mistake, how do you know when to say something?

Karen said...

OMG. 1st- you can't even say anything to her, can you? it's not like she's 21, she's knows what she's doing. 2nd- being married is pretty hard, I wouldn't want to do it without the love part. why? my sister is desperate to be in a relationship- she was so desperate before she married an ultimate loser, who practically abused her. now she has a kid with 'special needs', and no child support. but she's still looking. maybe she needs one of those Korean guys- they'd have jobs, anyway. oh, now I'm rambling...

Amy said...

wow...why would you live at home at that age if you so desperately wanted to be with someone? she has a lot of life to live and it seems like she isn't doing it. i would NEVER have let my mom pick out the guy for me!

Karen said...

(insert whining here...) Hey Carmen? whatcha doing for the 13 tomorrow? I can't come up with any ideas...

Great Day said...

that's a tough one carmen. My suggestion would be to approach the subject, carefully and see if she needs someone to talk to about it.

Maybe something has changed that you're not aware of. Maybe she is just tired of fighting with her parents?

I hope she's not getting married just to be married, because I don't see how that would ever work! There's got to be SOMETHING there, or you have nothing to work with.

Best of luck with her, let us know how it works out!

Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

Your matchmaker theme fits well with my post today. I saw Fiddler on the Roof last night. Matchmaker...Matchmaker...make me a match...

Luck o' the Irish said...

I think her mom has too much of a hold over her, so talking to her is kind of useless. "C"'s mom puts her on all these weird diets, even though the most totally DOES NOT NEED TO DIET. "C" has been through so many phases, that I'm hoping that this, too, is just a phase. There was the moving to CA phase, the starting a school phase, the buying her own place phase, etc.

Lyn said...

Hey, I know it's Wed, but I came looking for your T13! lol My list is up at FBO - Bible Misquotes Edition.

mar said...

OMG, this is not going to have a happy end...it is so wrong, I can't believe a young woman nowadays is allowing her mom to do this...

Karizma said...

If you truly think of her as a friend, I think you should broach the subject very carefully to see if that's really what she wants or thinks will make her happy. Maybe she's just looking for a change or is unsure about her life's direction so she's turning to her mom for help/advice.

However, it is tough to find the right way (recipient's mood, etc.) to do it...that's a tough one. Good luck!